Dear 2017

We made it, y'all.

I think I read the phrase "dumpster fire" in reference to the year 2016 more than I have in my entire life. Nevertheless, we made it to the other side, with a new opportunity to focus on the forward. I love the feeling of wiping the slate clean {sans fire}, and today feels like a breath of fresh air. Breathe it in, y'all, we're starting over.

In the past I've made all sorts of promises about who I want to be in the months that follow the changing of calendars. Sometimes I keep them and smash the heck out of them, but often they leave my brain as soon as they leave my fingers. This year I'm shaking it up. This year I just want to keep going.

I want to keep going to the gym to strengthen my body and mind. I want to keep improving my marriage and loving Jonathan more every day. I want to keep raising my children and learning to be a better parent. I want to keep in touch with my people and make an effort to spend time with them. I want to keep taking care of myself and discovering who I am. I want to keep writing. I want to keep planting. I want to keep growing. I want to keep going.

This idea is more than a scribbled-down list to bury in the junk drawer. This is a promise to put one foot in front of the other and take things as they come. For me, 2017 is going to be a year about slashing expectations and living in the moment. Life will never look like I expect it to, but if I open my eyes to what's actually around me, sometimes it's surprisingly better.

Although there are zero bullet points on this New Year, New Me post, I do want to keep my tradition of a one-word focus for 2017. I refuse to commit to write a series on this {because let's be honest, I never do it}, but this word usually stays with me. This year's word should result from the go-with-the-flow attitude I desire. My One Little Word is...

Often the anxiety I carry manifests itself in the form of worrying how life will fit into a certain box. That constant worry can feel like literal weight on my shoulders. Focusing on what could go wrong tomorrow bogs me down today. This year I want to let go. I want to breathe in, breathe out, and let life happen. I will lighten my load in more ways than one and hopefully I can find a way to float through this year.

I have no clue what's to come in the days that follow, and that's okay. This year, I am ready to live. Let's go!

One Little Word

Be it ever so humble {and surrounded by kids and chickens}, there's no place like home.

I've boarded the One Little Word train annually since 2013. This is a one-word resolution claimed on January 1 to provide a more directed purpose to everyday life. I've made big proclamations each year about a consistent series wherein I update you on the progress of living toward my new-found direction, but I've basically forgotten about it a few weeks in.

Yet here I am, trying again.

For 2016, however, I'm going down a different stream. Instead of tossing out an adjective I want to become or a verb I want to get done, my word is more of a theme for my life/blog. My OLW for 2016 is home. This year I want to focus on the roots I'm putting down. Not just the literal ones in my garden, but the ones on the other side of that yellow door. I want to pull back my focus to live where I am and love where I am. I want 2016 to be homemade and homegrown and more vested in homesteading. I want to appreciate the family waiting inside and the safe feeling that comes from the place we've built together. Home isn't just a house to me, it's a feeling, and I vow to embrace it this year.

A word like "home" leaves room for interpretation, and hopefully I'll use that to my advantage as I keep you updated. The best part of my day is turning off the pavement and onto my gravel driveway. There's a lot to celebrate in this life, but the comfort of home is what brings me peace. I need to get lost in that.

The grass may look greener on the other side, but the grass on this patch of earth is all mine. I want to nurture it, enjoy it, and focus on what we've made of it. It's actually pretty sweet, y'all.

There you have it folks. What's your word or theme for 2016? I'm sure it's a good one!


For the curious, here are my past words:
GROW
CALM
SIMPLY

One Little Word

I've decided to take an easy approach to the twelve months ahead.

For the last two years, I've latched onto the idea of choosing a word each January that represents what I'd like my life to be that year. Instead of making lists of resolutions that have finite ends, the One Little Word project evolves. As the year goes on, I learn more about my word, what it means to me, and how to apply it to my life. I struggle with it, I fail at it, and I pick it up and try again. Last year was especially tough. My word was calm.

The most important lesson learned was that calm isn't something you find cowering under the bed. It's something you create. Throughout the year I learned to say "no" to make time to say "yes" in more important places. Creating white space in my head and in my home meant a calm family, and those moments did seem more common.

The word I've landed on this year is simply. After tossing around several words to describe how I want to change and what I want to accomplish, the root of it all was this: I want to live simply and I want to simply live. I want to purge the junk, focus on what's important, and make the most out of each moment. I want to measure my life in memories, not time. I want to look at my children and actually see them. I want to do more of what I love and less of what I don't. I want to clear the clutter, breathe the fresh air, and just be.

Stress and worries and the "busyness" of life can become so routine that I lose sight of my purpose. This year I am paring it down. I am focusing on the roles that mean the most to me, and building my life into its simplest form. This could result in new and exciting plans I can't even imagine now, but I think that's the point. Here's hoping, right?

The best thing about this journey is that it comes with a promise to record it. Last year I vowed a monthly update and fell off the wagon in the summer. I'm going to attempt that again, with a new take on living simply each round. I'd also like to extend the challenge to you. Even if you don't do resolutions, this is an easy way to get a focus for your life. It's amazing how a series of letters strung together can inspire.

I tried on various forms of my word: Simple. Simplicity. Simplify. But I couldn't get away from the adverb. My word is a descriptor of action, and I want it to describe the actions I choose to take in 2015.

Simply is the way I want to live. How about you?

One Little Word V {Distracted}

On my desk calendar beneath papers I need to file, numbers I need to enter, and information I need to sort, there's a yellow sun doodled onto one of the white squares.

Today I intended to write a belated recap on my One Little Word progress. I've done a good job so far of using the last day of the month to tell you how much closer I'm getting to finding my CALM. Read here to learn more about this one-word resolution, and click here to see my updates from the first four months of the year. I'm more than a week away from the close of May, and though I know for a fact the month was a busy one and I wasn't nearly as cool and collected as I should have been, I'm finding myself fast-forwarding. In trying to collect my thoughts from a busy month, my eyes keep wandering to that sunshine doodle that melts my troubles, eases my mind, and grants me the calm I desperately need.

I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, and although today is supposed to be my May update, I can guarantee you the month of June will be the calmest one yet. There will be no alarm clocks, no requests for more milk, no dirty diapers, and no piles of laundry. No places to be and no deadlines to meet. It's just going to be me, my husband, and the sand between my toes. Obviously more on this later, but I just wanted to give you an idea as to why I'm such a distracted blogger this month. Good enough reason, don't you think?

Okay, back to May. With regard to keeping calm, May was a month of highs and lows. The school year drew to an end which meant more people in my house to entertain {I love them, I really do} and a fully-stocked youth group program to signal the close of the season. My calendar has been jammed full and the to-do notes have runneth over. However, I'm conquering them one-by-one and countering the busyness with time in the garden and dips in the pool. And every task I accomplish, every program I complete, and every bored child I play with, I'm that much closer to complete and utter relaxation. I love my kids and I love volunteering at church and I love entertaining family, but the biggest lesson I've learned so far in attempting to take deep breaths and stay level-headed is that I need breaks. Nay, I deserve breaks. And according to my handy-dandy desk calendar, mama's got a big one coming.

What about you? How's your progress with One Little Word? If you didn't choose your own word, feel free to latch onto mine. I know I'm not the only one around here who would benefit from a calmer demeanor, and Lord knows you are probably just as in need of a break as I am. Today let's savor a quiet moment, slow down and actually pay attention to our kids, and just take life as it comes. It is my opinion that the opposite of calm lies in three words: overwhelmed, frustrated, and worried. These antonyms are basically my life when I let my focus slip. I'm working hard to kick that state of mind to the curb and just be. Harder than it sounds, but I'm getting there.

I have a feeling the salty air will help just a little bit. :)

Happy Monday, y'all!

One Little Word IV {No}

This end-of-the-month series has a funny way of sneaking up on me.

{I invite you to start here if you have no idea what I'm talking about}

On one hand, scheduling a One Little Word review on the last day of every month has forced me to take inventory of my progress toward calm, but on the other, I forget about it. As I sat before a blank screen earlier today, I mentally reviewed the last thirty days. Emotions were all over the place. One week we were rejoicing our risen savior as kids played under the bright spring skies, and a week later the same skies spit out a violent tornado that broke the heart of Arkansas. It's been a tough one, and I can't begin to fathom what it's been like for those actually affected. They stay in my heart.

As for me and my own calendar, April was packed. It may not seem that way from the outside looking in, but my schedule is tight. Between working out of town, raising three small people, and running the youth program for church, I can get busy. Most of the things I do, however, I enjoy, which leads to the problem of taking on more than I should. I love getting things done and I love helping people, but sometimes I say "yes" when I know I shouldn't. Moral of the story: I'm learning. Twice this month I checked my calendar, I weighed my reasoning, and I said "no."

{Full Disclosure: After being asked to do one task several times, we landed on a way for me to do it from home. I didn't technically stick to my hard and fast "no" but this meant minutes away from my kids, as opposed to hours. Baby steps?}

These favors were both easy and enjoyable, but it was extra, uncompensated work. This would have meant time away from my family that I simply wasn't willing to give. Declining an invitation sounds like a simple solution, but it's a big realization for me. In order to maintain a calm, clear head, I have to know how much I can handle. And I cannot feel bad about admitting my limits. Like I said in my update last month, I can't afford to run myself ragged. Sometimes I have to opt out. And that's okay.

Take care of yourself.
Take care of your family.
Do what makes you feel good.
Say "no" when it's too much.
As often as I forget about this One Little Word promise I made to myself, the lessons I'm learning are pretty worthwhile. The best thing I've figured out about that last one is the more I say "no" when I mean it, the more often I can say "yes" to those who matter most. Have a wonderful Wednesday, y'all!

One Little Word III {Refill}

{Yes, this picture of the Bauer Boys was dug from the 2011 catacombs,
but if this image doesn't say calm, I don't know what does.}
According to my calendar, today is the last square of March.

For me, this means two things: 1) I have to watch my back around my children tomorrow and 2) I'm supposed to give an official report on my One Little Word progress. You can click here to see what I'm talking about, and you can click here to read about my failures as February drew to a close. It's hard to believe the third month of 2014 is already ending, and honestly it seems like the year is slipping away. Regardless, here I am with an update, mostly for me, but if you're tuning in to check, I'll be happy to share.

I'm not going to use the word "fail" this month at all. I'm proud to state I have found my calm. March was a month of chaos. An entire week of birthday fun capped off with over half a dozen children squealing throughout my house and yard. Spring Break has come and gone and gave me an extra person to entertain in the daytime. Longer days mean more time awake, brighter skies mean more time chasing boys, the start to spring means a sudden burst of energy after a long winter's rest.

All good things, y'all. I look forward to gardening, nights on the front porch, swimming pools, and starry nights; however, I don't think the incoming spring did the trick for me. It was the me time. It was the knowledge that making myself a priority is an acceptable thing to do. It was realizing that I don't have to sacrifice myself. I don't have to be the martyred Saint Mom. Sometimes, I can be first.

It's odd how hard it is to admit that, isn't it? When we hold those tiny babies in our arms for the first time, we vow to make their time on this planet as easy and fun and successful and amazing as possible. A few months in {weeks? days?} we realize that our own needs are getting cold and stale on the back burner. We run on empty as long as we can.

I'm not always good at this, but knowing is half the battle. I know my calm is just as important for my kids as it is for me. This is why I can't be empty. Yesterday I read 157 pages of a new book before dinnertime. I drank two cups of coffee as my baby girl napped and my boys were encouraged to play together in their room. Every so often, I'll steal a long bath after the kids are in bed. I'll flip through magazines and study new summer veggie varieties. I'll close my bedroom door, settle into my soft pillows, and dial my best friend's number with no intention of moving until every detail is shared.

This chapter of my life revolves around the tiny people I'm attempting to turn into contributing members of society, but I can't forget who I am in that process, and I can't run on an empty tank. Every once in a while, I have to take time to myself to refill, and I have done a good job of that over the past few weeks. I have found a bit of calm in the chaos, and that, my friends, is a feat. Here's hoping I can hang onto it.

One Little Word II {Fail}

Mama: "Owen, don't DRINK that!"
Owen: "Why not?"
Nathan {from across the house}: "DRINK WHAT?!"
Mama: "Owen, don't you DARE dump your Fruit Loops!"
Owen: *dumps cereal while staring me in the eye*
Nathan: "DRINK WHAT?!"
Mama: "NOTHING, NATHAN, DON'T YELL!!!"
Nora: "WaaaAAAAAAAAHHH."
Nathan: *crushes cereal underfoot as he stomps into his bedroom*

Sigh. Of course this happens the night before I scheduled a post with "calm" as the topic.

Remember back in early January, when my posts revolved around plans for the new year? I talked about how I'll become a better person in 365 days via my choice for One Little Word. I also vowed to report back once a month to take an inventory of how I'm doing and share my successes {and struggles} with you. The word I selected for 2014 is calm. I'll let you venture a guess as to how I'm doing.

I am having trouble, y'all. I am catching myself coming and going and I often feel like I can't keep up. I allow my patience to snap and my nerves to thin, and I can become desperate for relief. One bright spot, however, is that it's not constant. There have been moments of calm this February, and those are my small victories. Spare minutes stolen to flip through a magazine or disappear into a book, sunny afternoons on the porch swing, and quiet moments when no one is fighting, no one is yelling, and no one is seconds away from googling Poison Control.

As a matter of fact, despite the heated exchange last night {Laundry detergent, y'all. It was laundry detergent}, we are actually doing well this morning. I've started this post long before the drive to primary school, because my children have been awake, dressed, and ready to roll for the past 30 minutes and still have 15 to spare. All three are watching cartoons as I recline with my cozy blanket sandwiched between my lap and my laptop and a cooling cup of coffee on the side table. Pretty solid definition of CALM in my book.

I'm thankful there are still ten long months left in this challenge to step back and take a deep breath, but I'm starting to realize I'm going about it wrong. I'm an inherently stressed out person. Sometimes I look cool as a cucumber, sometimes I don't, but the majority of the time I'm freaking out on the inside. If my to-do list grows too long, I lose control. If the kids lose their minds simultaneously, I lose control. If the freshly cleaned house is destroyed in thirty seconds flat, I lose control. Control is a tough word for me. I have such a strong obsession with hanging on so tight, that I think it's time to start doing the opposite. I think my calm will come when I let it go.

There is no parenting law that states everything must be perfect. I have a sneaking suspicion if I attempt to release some of these ideals, I will find what I need. I also have to go back to the parenting resolutions I spelled out last year and repeat Number One until it sinks in. I have to realize my kids are just being kids and life will not follow plan. Messes will happen, fights are inevitable, bad decisions are a way of learning, and I can't always be in control.

But I can always pray for long naps. Keep your cool today, y'all. Here's hoping for a happy Friday and an even better weekend. Enjoy your day, snag as many quiet moments as you can, and remain calm. I solemnly swear to do my best.

{Cue perfectly timed Fruit Loops hitting the floor. Who keeps feeding this kid?! One, two, three, four...}

One Little Word

For the past week I have been narrowing down the one little word I'd like to focus on for the duration of my thirtieth year on this planet.

This is my thirtieth year, y'all. It has to be a good one.

I thought of several great options {accept, organize, trust, listen} and many blogger friends have published some wonderful inspiration, but I just couldn't boil it down. To be perfectly honest, I have had a hard time nailing anything down lately. Since Nora's glorious arrival into our family and the cold, hard realization that three children is greater than two parents, my head hasn't stopped spinning. Some days I fall into bed with a smile on my face; exhausted, but accomplished. Most days, however, I'm just treading water.

My life is a series of unfinished business and frazzled has become my middle name. Everything I do, I do in a frantic, hurried manner. Even if I'm simply relaxing on the couch, my brain is running a mile a minute and overflowing with worries about what will happen when my feet hit the floor. Yesterday, as I struggled to separate trash from toys from Christmas leftovers, make sure the boys ate something other than chips, and keep Nora in a dry diaper, my brain clicked into gear. I know what I need in my life. I knew it the other day when I highlighted my parenting resolutions for the year.

I need calm.
I need to slow down, push the worries aside, let it all go, and be. I need to walk into my bedroom, close the door, drop to my knees, and pray. I need to run my hands through the grass in my backyard and feel the sun on my face. I need to pick my battles with my children and ease off of mean mommy mode. I need to enjoy my life instead of wishing it all away.

This year I will turn 30 years old. I'm not afraid of that {yet}, because age is just a number. What I am afraid of, though, is entering a new season of my life in a such a stumbling, overwhelming manner. I don't want to fall into this new decade, I want to calmly step in. And I don't want to miss a thing.

For those who don't know, one little word is a project I discovered last year when I noticed several online pals choosing a focal word to use for the course of a year. The idea of coming up with goals to better my life through a simple word was an intriguing challenge, so I jumped on board. Last year my word of choice was grow. It was a perfectly fine choice and I think I did well with it. My body grew to accommodate the growth of my family, which resulted in my heart swelling to greater proportions and my faith growing at the same speed. Success!

I'd like to challenge myself a little further this year, though, so I'm spreading this into a series. You'll come along for the ride, won't you? Instead of just spitting it out in January and thinking about it again 365 days later, I'm going to revisit this topic at the end of each month. I will sit down at my computer and describe how these four letters have affected my life and the lives of those around me. I'm going to force myself to keep this in the back of my mind because frankly, I need it desperately.

What about you? What's your one little word? If you're a blogger, I'd love for you to join my challenge and do your best to keep your word front and center. If you're not, I still challenge you to do the same. Take a few minutes today and think about the one little word you'd like to concentrate on this year. Something that will improve your quality of life. Then come back and share it with me, you hear?

I'm ready for you 2014, let's take a few deep breaths and let's calm down.